Saying goodbye is never easy. Uprooting all you have built over years and years is incredibly difficult…but what choice do you have if that is exactly what God has called you to do?
It is with a heavy heart that I am writing this post. Heavy, yet excited for the future that God has laid out ahead. I have been in Johannesburg for almost 24 years now and I feel that God is calling me away. I have not had to tackle emotions like this before…choosing to leave your family and friends behind is not something I ever thought I would have to do.
I feel like J.D. in the final episode of Scrubs. I don’t know if you’ve ever watched Scrubs, but you should! You see him walking through the corridors of the hospital while various memories he’s made over the years play out in front of him. I find a similar thing happening to me, and no, I’m not hallucinating. Thoughts seem to randomly pop into my mind…I remember my men’s group, my Church, my varsity friends and the amazing memories we made…the awesome (and easier) times of high school….I find myself crying out “Why Lord!? Why do these times have to pass by!? Why can’t things just stay the same? Why does life have to be so difficult sometimes!?” But I am comforted by Him, remembering that He is all-knowing, all-powerful and, best of all, He loves you and me! And I mean LOVES!
I found out this morning that a friend of mine from primary school has passed away in a car accident. It hit me like a ton of bricks. I can’t believe it. 24 years old. It serves as a reminder that our time on earth is so fleeting…what are you doing with your brief time here? For the past three months I have been wrestling with the idea of going to work at an architecture firm, but there’s been something in the back of my mind saying that this is not for me (at least for now). I have felt that a 9-5 job is not where I need to be (not that you cannot impact people through full-time jobs, but that’s just not for me…see Jordan’s post on this). Since my decision not to pursue architecture, God has provided ways for me to follow my passion for serving the youth and vulnerable people in informal settlements. The biggest difficulty though is that there’s financial security on the one side and complete faith and trust in the Lord’s provision on the other. But it’s crazy what the thought of “death” can do to you…you start asking questions like “What am I doing with my life? What do I want to achieve during this short time?” It has given me a fresh “eternal” perspective on life…we have but a few years on this earth, surely we want to serve God to the best of our abilities during that time? I have found that fear and worry has crippled me in my pursuit of becoming a living sacrifice…but no more.
As I write this I have TFK’s “So Far Gone” playing in the background. “I want to be so far gone in You….I want to be lost in You like a ship in the night…” It is somewhat fitting for this post as I find that we should be living solely for Him. All our choices should be based on Him. Surely!?
If He is telling you to go (or stay) then we must obey, knowing that He has a plan for us. If you are going through a similar transition in your life, be at peace – remember that life is made up of seasons.
For everything there is a season,
a time for every activity under heaven.
A time to be born and a time to die.
A time to plant and a time to harvest.
A time to kill and a time to heal.
A time to tear down and a time to build up.
A time to cry and a time to laugh.
A time to grieve and a time to dance.
A time to scatter stones and a time to gather stones.
A time to embrace and a time to turn away.
A time to search and a time to quit searching.
A time to keep and a time to throw away.
A time to tear and a time to mend.
A time to be quiet and a time to speak.
A time to love and a time to hate.
A time for war and a time for peace.
Although life is filled with uncertain times and sad goodbyes, trust our Sovereign Father. Trust that He is at work in your life and that He knows what’s best. I pray that when you go through such a time that He will be your strength and that, no matter how difficult that time is, His love and strength will always be enough.
I came across this beautiful song this morning (Least of these – Meredith Law). It reminded me that our God is beautiful, He is just and He has got our backs!
Peace and Love